


RealmStuck

by SparkleDragons, TheCrazyOctopusLady



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Gen, Humanstuck, Magic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-02 06:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5238080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparkleDragons/pseuds/SparkleDragons, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCrazyOctopusLady/pseuds/TheCrazyOctopusLady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is John Egbert. You are heir to the throne of the Kingdom of Sburb. You are also a complete and absolute idiot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. a Dog, a Crow, and an Execution

**Author's Note:**

> TheCrazyOctopusLady helped me with editing and how this chapter ends. She was really really helpful and I thank her.  
> Beyond that this fic has been in my head for a while and I don't know how long it's going to run.  
> If you want any reference images of what the characters look like in terms of outfit/race please contact me through my tumblr:  
> SparkleDragons
> 
> AS OF RIGHT NOW THIS FIC IS ON HOLD  
> My writing has improved a lot since I started this. I do not like how this fic was going. I did not plan this fic well enough. There are dozens of other reasons I stopped this.  
> It is possible I will return to this, rewrite it, or take a different path in the same au. Not today
> 
> If you want to read something that WILL be finished, please check my other fic (Never Again). It's a non-shipping fic about The Disciple and Redglare.
> 
> Thanks for reading.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John fucks everything up.

Your name is John Egbert. You are heir to the throne of the Kingdom of Sburb. You are also a complete and absolute idiot.  
For some reason you thought it would be a good idea to pull a prank on someone important, really important. Setting traps and pranks is something you love to do in your spare time and the best ones are the ones that get remembered. So what better person to be your unfortunate victim than Prince Eridan himself, ruler of your kingdom’s most feared rival; the Kingdom of Alternia. Man that was a mistake.

The trap itself went fine, perfect in fact. It was awesome to see his royal jerk hanging from a tree by his leg. But you kind of didn’t know what you were thinking when it came to afterwards. Of course he’d have guards, what royalty didn’t? And once they were done cutting him down after his insistent screaming and struggling, they came after you. You’re pretty sure your guard and close friend Dave got away at least. He managed to knock out the knight that attacked him as you two ran away. You however, were not so fortunate. Not only did you forget to bring your war hammer for the trip, you also got stuck with the prince’s lame mage. You didn’t stand a chance against magic.

And that’s how you got here. Sitting in a cell, waiting to die in the morning. It’s cold, dark, depressing, and the only thing you have to sit on that isn’t stone is an incredibly thin straw mat. Which doesn’t make much of a difference in terms of comfort. Jeez, you really screwed this up.

This dumb stunt of yours is probably going to start a war. Dirk will not take lightly to his successor being killed over something so dumb. Way to go, John!

As you sit there, contemplating your fate, you hear a light scratching at your prison’s barred window. You slowly lift your head and are greeted by a large, smiling, white dog face. It has a black hat with a red ribbon around the circumference of it. The creature also seems to be adorned with a white, wooden-bead necklace with a black swirled pattern on the center circle. On its nose is a pair of large, round glasses. And behind the framed glass are a pair of intelligent green eyes.

It blinks a few times, pink tongue lolling out, before licking its chops. It begins speaking clear perfect English, its happy face replaced with one of sadness. “I cannot believe I let you get in this situation, John! I should have known and I should have stopped you. You aren’t hurt, right?”

Your expression turns sheepish and you nervously fix your own glasses before saying, “It’s totally not your fault. I did this to myself honestly. I’m fine though. How did you know I was here anyways?”

As soon as you speak a small albino crow hops into view and glares at you with ruby eyes. The unusual avian also seems to speak your mother tongue. “I told her, Egbert. I needed help getting you out of this fucked up situation. Not that I should have to, since you got yourself into this like some bird-hunting cat up in a tree.”

Jade glances downward at Dave and you greatly want to comment on the fact that he is in fact a bird at this moment but you let him keep going. It’s hard to stop him once he starts.

“You just had to pin this thing on me,” he continues, “It’s not like I could have gone to my brother. He would have been pissed with both of us. And I couldn’t just leave you here, despite your idiocy the size of a fucking kingdom because that would just cause other problems and started wars and shit. Plus I can do this on my own. So I went to Jade. And gods damn is she delivering. Look at me man. I’m a fucking crow. It’s fucking magical.”

Jade huffed and then barked, “Right! Now I can’t get you out right now. I really wish I could! The cell’s enchanted so that any form of magic inside will alert the guards. So you’re going to have to hang on until tomorrow. I can get you out of this before the execution though. I promise! You’ll be out by mid-day tomorrow. In the mean time I’ll see if I can figure out what Eridan has planned for you.”

You let out a sigh of relief. It’s good to know Jade’s got your back. “Jade, you’re a life saver.” you say, chuckling a bit to yourself. Jade laughs a bit. Dave sort of just glares at you.

“Great!” the dog barks. “I wish I could do more for you until they let you out to kill you.” She pauses a moment. “But don’t worry! In the meantime, Dave and I need to head out. A big white dog and a crow hanging out will eventually make someone suspicious. See you tomorrow John!”

And with that the animals vanished, leaving you alone in you cell once again. This sucks. You do the best you can to get comfortable on the straw mat, comforted by the idea of being saved, and do your best to sleep. It doesn’t work.  
~  
The next morning you are ripped out of your half-sleep daze by the loud clanging of keys. You groggily open your eyes and adjust your ajar glasses to view the knight taking you to what he thinks will be your death. The first thing you notice about your execution escort is that he’s incredibly short. His hair is a mess of black and his skin is a bit paler than the dark tone you possess. His eyes are a bright red, and they make you reminisce about the similar ones that your friend Dave has. He is decked in mail layered under a brown tunic with red trim and a large symbol that looks vaguely like a bleeding cut across his chest. At his side is a medium sized sword, sheathed in leather, partially hidden by a dark red cloak. As he inserts the correct key into the lock on your cell you notice a black sign on his lower-arm guards that looks a bit like a 69 turned on its side, which you think is pretty dumb.

You look up at him and he says, “Well? I’m not waiting all day you festering piece of shit. Get the hell up so you can die, and so the bloody war can start. Which Prince Eridan is clearly oblivious too, and then I can die painfully and pointlessly on a blood strewn battlefield covered in the deceased bodies of half the fucking kingdom. All thanks to you and my innate inability to do shit about it.” His voice is rough and irritated and he doesn’t strike you as a very pleasant person. More along the lines of someone you’d like to avoid.

You don’t realize how long you’ve been blankly staring at him until he says, “Well? Are you getting the fuck up? Or do I need to drag you by your disgustingly blue belt? Let’s get this over with, heir of fuckburb.” He starts to advance toward you, but you hurriedly pick yourself up. He doesn’t totally seem like that much of a threat, but you’d rather not get in a fight or get dragged by your ‘disgustingly blue belt’ which you think is pretty sweet and not at all disgusting.

The knight grabs you roughly by the arm and starts dragging you down the dark corridor anyways. Jeez, he’s surprisingly strong for his stature, but you could probably break away if you tried. Not like you’re going to, though. Jade’ll get you out without causing a problem.

After a moment you can feel the ground begin to incline upwards. The knight opens a door, blinding you with day-light. Once your eyes adjust you realize you’re facing a huge crowd of people. All of them, waiting to see you die. At the center of the square is a large pile of timber and straw. In the middle of which is a tall, thick wooden pole. So this is the fate the prince has decided for you? Pff. Too bad it won’t work. You start scanning the crowd for signs of your friends. Way in the back you think you can see the tip of a black hat but you can’t be sure. There are too many people to make it out.

Up on a balcony, overlooking the square, stands Eridan. His dumb white crown glints light into your eyes and he looks at you with distain. With him is the mage that helped catch you. His arms are crossed under his dark green coat and he looks to be reading from an old book with the ancient numeral two on it in red and blue. It seems to be hovering in front of him in a strange red and blue light. He looks utterly uninterested in the unfolding events.

There is also a strange woman. Most of her face is concealed by a dark teal hood, but from your location it almost looks like she has gray pointed horns protruding from holes in her cowl. She’s holding a tall silver staff and is watching you eagerly. It’s kind of like she’s enjoying the prospect of watching you, or maybe just somebody, die. Finally there is a smallish, shaking boy wearing a blue cap. He’s holding an unfurled scroll and doesn’t look happy to be here at all.

The knight roughly drags you once more towards the wood. He pulls you up to the middle pole and ties your arms uncomfortably around the log with the rope already prepared there. He then clambers down the pile, tripping a bit along the way. He takes his place amongst the other knights guarding the execution square.

From up on the balcony, the blue-dressed page begins to speak. He has nervous pauses every few words, “John Egbert, heir to the throne of Sburb, you are here-by found guilty by his Prince Eridan… um… for the crimes of harassing the prince and allying with the… er… enemy kingdom. For these crimes the sentence is… uh… death… The royal court had decreed this punishment be carried out through… uh… burning at the stake.”

The boy looks nervously to the prince and rather ungracefully rolls the scroll back up, shuffling back with the others. At the same time the mage walks forward, taking the book under his arm. He gives you a snarky smile and lifts his left hand. He snaps his fingers, sending magical red and blue sparks to the base of the timber pile where you’re restrained. The straw instantly catches fire, sending blazing heat up in your face.

You’re suddenly extremely nervous. Jade should have gotten you out by now… right? You start to struggle against your restraints. The fire is climbing closer quickly and you can feel cold sweat slowly starting to slip down the tip of your nose. You can feel the fire greedily licking at your feet, scorching your boots and starting to burn through. Your breath quickens as you desperately search the crowd for help. You start shouting as the flames begin to burn through your yellow boot soles and into your feet. The heat of the flames is increased by the blue-dyed wool lining your shoes.

Suddenly a flash of green on your right catches your attention, but you don’t care. The fire is practically cooking your legs. Suddenly- it disappears. You look down with your teeth gritted with pain to see the flames have disappeared into simmering, green embers. And somehow, everywhere the fire touched you hurts more now. You cry out again, but the sound gets lost in a sea of shouts and screams coming from the crowd of people.

Green flashes are going off everywhere now. Then out of the crowd of running people, Dave and Jade appear. Jade’s hands are engulfed in green fire and it dawns on you that she is the one creating the chaos.

As she focuses on the crowd, Dave climbs up and cuts through your restraints with his already drawn sword. You slump to the ground with a groan, your feet hurt too much to bother standing right now. Without hesitating, Dave puts his hands under your arms and knees and hefts you off the ground.

He nods to Jade and the flames instantly vanish from her hands, along with the flashes in the crowd. However despite the flames sudden disappearance, the area is still engulfed in pandemonium. People running and screaming and fleeing for their lives in almost every direction has caused a chorus of chaos throughout the square. Jade and Dave start pushing their way through the crowd, with you being carried along. You can’t really feel your feet anymore; but your legs ache as if you stepped in a deep puddle of lava. You quietly cry out again and let yourself be carried. Man you’re an idiot.


	2. A Trap, a Lie, and a Dragon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vriska tells a story and Nepeta 'corrects' her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TheCrazyOctopusLady had a busy week so I edited this one myself. I hope I did a nice enough job. ^^; (sorry it's a bit late)

The forest earth feels great on your feet. You had a good haul today, caught two rabbits, one for you and one for Roxy. They bounce against your leg as you walk. You still have one more trap to look at but you want to check in with her first.

It isn’t long before you reach the clearing the two of you have been camping in for the past three days. A dark blue-hooded figure with a scarlet red bow and arrow sheath slung across her back stands in the middle of the clearing. She’s facing away from you with her hands on her hips, assessing what looks to be a branch of berries.

She looks up as you drop your catch and turns around. “Hey Nep!” she calls back. “Anything good? I found these amazing berries. They only ripen for like, a week each year so we hit the jackpot!”

You nod to the rabbits and reply, “The apurrable huntress has valiantly brought back enough delicious food to go around.”

She grins and asks, “Only rabbits? Did the net not work? I really hoped it would-a bagged us at least a raccoon or someth’en.”

You shrug and say, “I haven’t checked it yet. Figured you’d want to see if it worked since you came up with it.”

Roxy laughs a bit and puts the berries next to the rabbits. As she goes over to get the leaf mat the two of you made to cover it up she says, “Thanks. I hope my rad trap caught something. It’d be nice to not have to hunt tomorrow. I was thinking of us going into town for a little fun. Apparently there was this huge ruckus with some execution or something. I want to see if I can get some deets. Sounds fucking insane.”

You nod and help her finish hiding your meal. “Sounds fun. Maybe I can get some more paint while were there. I’m running low on blue and green.”

“You only ever use blue and green.”

“Not true. The kind rogue uses red, black, and gray too.”

“Yea but she gets that from blood and charcoal.”

You playfully stick your tongue out at her. She laughs a bit.

“Yea, sure, Nep,” she says. “If you got the dough go for it. Mark up dem rocks an’ trees.”

You laugh and start off towards the the trap at a run. In a second you can hear Roxy running after you. You’re faster though. She might be smarter but you’ve always been more athletic. By that logic you reach the trap first; and what you see takes you for a bit of a loop.

Hanging from the tree is not a deer, fox, or even raccoon. It’s a person. She’s dressed in obnoxious yellow and orange with bright blue highlighting in a few places. Her hood is up so you can’t see her face. You don’t think she knows you’re here yet.

From behind you you can hear Roxy running up. “Catch anything Nep?” she calls.

This gets the ensnared girl’s attention. She shifts in the net, allowing you to see her face. She has long blond hair and wears glasses, but appears to be missing one eye according to the eyepatch. Not only that, what you could see of her left arm, beyond the gloves, looks like… wood?

“Heeeeeeeey,” she calls down. “Mind getting me down? I was playing with my sword when this stupid thing caught me and I dropped it.”

You look over at the weirdly hooked blade lying on the ground. It has a claw-like handle with a white blade highlighted in the same blue as the grip.

Roxy is looking up at the net, clearly trying to contain her laughter. You start to laugh a bit too, not quite as good at keeping it in.

Through her amusement, Roxy manages to say, “How’d you get yourself stuck in this situation? And who are you anyways?”

The girl lets out a long sigh and replies, “The name’s Vriska. I’m a very lucky person. Sometimes it’s good luck. Sometimes it’s bad. Right now, I seem to be having a lot of bad. Now cut. Me. Loose!”

You huff and quickly scale the tree, using your bare feet to your advantage. Once you reach the branch the net is hanging from you take a seat and draw your claws. That’s what you call them at least. Really it’s just three small daggers you hold between your separate fingers. Took a while to keep them there well enough to fight but you worked at it.

“The purrerful Nepeta frees you,” you say before effortlessly slicing through the rope.

“The fuck does that mean?” Vriska moans as she unravels the net from herself.

You roll your eyes and say, “It’s just a bit of roll playing. It’s fun!”

Vriska throws a rude jester at you and stands up to retrieve her sword. After replacing the steal to her sheath she started stretching what must be pretty soar limbs depending on how long she was up there. The creaking coming from her left arm further proves it could be made of wood. You decide not to pry for now.

“Soooooooo,” Vriska groans as she pulls her arms above her head. “Got anything to eat? I’ve been stuck up there since last night and I’m pretty damn hungry.”

You and Roxy share a look. It seems you won’t be getting a rabbit each like you’d hoped.

~

You spend the next few minutes in uncomfortable silence. As you clean and cook the rabbits Roxy reads that old magic book she swiped from some random rich guy the two of you passed a month or two ago. As hard as she tries her hand at creation magic she could never really do much more than make a few green boxes appear. You’ve never really been sure what they do but they’re good for sitting on when you can’t find clean logs.

Vriska sort of just sits across the clearing fiddling with little crystal blue dice you assume she stole. She sure is weird. Mean too. She has, within the span of the last fifteen minutes, insulted three things about the two of you, rambled on about two things in her life you and Roxy couldn’t care less about, and nearly stabbed you because there was a fly buzzing near your head. She sort of scares you to be honest.

You hand the now cooked rabbits to Roxy to divide evenly. She’s pretty fair about that. Of course there wouldn’t have been a need to split it up fairly if Vriska had just payed a bit of attention. I mean how silly can you be to get stuck in a net built for animals?

As you receive your share Vriska, quite rudely, says, “Hey, Nepeta, was it? What’s with your weird ass lip?”

You shrink away from her and reach a hand to your odd mouth, which is permanently drawn up to your nose. You’ve had it all your life and it isn’t exactly something you’re fond of talking about. “I don’t know,” you snap back, a little meaner than intended, “what about your arm?”

Vriska shrugs, “It’s a long story. I have a lot of irons in the fire, you know? Stuff happens. But if you really need to know… I’m happy to oblige.”

You get the feeling she only paused to pull your leg. She is such a creep. But Roxy seems interested, she’s always up for a good story, so you don’t interrupt.

“So it all started about two years or so ago,” Vriska starts. “I was walking in the woods and I heard shouting and shit. Just general panicked nonsense. So I thought I’d go have a look. Maybe I could get something out of it. Turns out, the shouts were coming from the Alternia heir… Equius? I think that’s his name. I don’t really care. Point is he was being attacked by this HUGE dragon. Now, I, being all heroic as I am, couldn’t let someone so important just be killed so I jumped in to help.”

You roll your eyes. No wonder she lost an arm. You can’t just attack something head-on like that. Roxy looks pretty fascinated though. Magic things appeals to her more than you.

“It was a really hard battle. I was getting tired when suddenly the beast lashed out and got not only my eye but took off my arm in the same fell swoop! It hurt like hell, let me tell you. But I made it though. I ran at the beast and took both it’s eyes. Then it flew away to go die somewhere. As a reward for my heroism, the heir had his royal mage give me an enchanted wooden arm to replace the one I lost.” She finishes the story proudly and takes off her glove to show off her ‘trophy’. It’s covered all the way up and down with weird runes.

It’s pretty cool until you remember something. “Wait,” you pipe up. “You said you lost your arm and eye in a fight with a dragon defending the Alternian heir?”

“Yea, weren’t you listening?” Vriska snaps at you. You huff and cross your arms.

“Well that’s a big lie,” you accuse. “I didn’t recognize you at first, it was a long time ago. You’re weren’t wearing such flashy cloths back then. But that’s not what happened. You didn’t save anyone. You were robbing them! Back then I was traveling with this girl named Terezi. We SAW you attacking him and WE came to his rescue from YOU. You attacked my friend and blinded her. Then I took your arm and she lashed out and caught your eye, you liar! The only reason the heir helped you with your arm was because he felt bad. You’re lucky he’s such a nice guy!”

Vriska glares at you and says, “Just because you liked him doesn’t mean I did. He was an asshole, thinking he was soooooooo great. He was the. Worst.”

She knows you called her bluff, she’s just stalling. Roxy stands up and goes between you two. “Alright, girls. Get a long. We should probably hit the hay. It was a good story anyways.”

You turn away from Vriska. Yea, you really don’t trust her. Not now. Not ever. “I’ll take the furrst watch,” you say, climbing a tree before anyone can say anything. You hear Vriska sigh and say, “Wake me in the morning.” Figures she wouldn’t offer to keep watch at all. Roxy doesn’t say anything but you can see her lie down.

How long is Vriska going to hang around. You can’t help but be a little afraid of her.

~

It’s already been dark for a while when you hear someone moving below the tree. You look down and see Roxy scaling the trunk, a bit ungracefully in your opinion, but still quickly. You move over a bit to let her on the branch you’re sitting on. She takes the offer and sets herself down. You don’t talk for a moment.

After a few minutes of silence, Roxy says, “Roxy is worried about Nepeta. She wants to know if she wants to talk to her bud about it.”

You smile a bit and respond, “The sweet Nepeta says she does not trust the mean Vriska and wishes we left purr in the net.”

Roxy nudges you and says, “Don’t worry about it… er… Roxy says. The two of them will get rid of her tomorrow. They’re going into town then, right?”

“Nepeta thought we’d only go into town if we caught food for tomorrow. Instead Roxy’s trap caught a mean theif who wears unnecessarily bright clothes.”

“Roxy says you’re one to talk, pink lady.” She smiles in a way that tells you she’s joking around.

“Nepeta pouts defensively and says that’s different.”

Roxy laughs and says, “It doesn't matter. We can still go into town. We’ll just grab some bread there or something. Been a while since we had something like that.”

You nod enthusiastically and say, “Alright. Maybe we can-“

You’re cut off as you see movement in the trees. At first you assume it’s Vriska, based on the general yellow-ness of the person’s clothes, but you realize they’re wearing a very different, more, drape-y outfit. The stranger walks by your camp without looking. You can’t help but wonder where they’re going in the middle of the night.

The two of you wait a moment before continuing to talk.

“So, who’s this Terezi you were talking about?” Roxy asks.

“I guess I never told you about her huh?”

Roxy shakes her head. “It’s a long story,” you say.

“We got time,” she says. “Alright,” you give in. “In that case we dated for a wile. Before I met you, that is. We hung out together and were partners in similar ways to how we are now. We had a lot of fun. The fight with Vriska ruined it though. Terezi was blinded. There wasn’t much we could do. But Equius, err, the heir, was really thankful and brought us to his castle. It was HUGE! He took us, along with Vriska, to the mage to fix us up. The mage was able to fix Vriska pretty easily but he couldn’t do anything about Terezi’s eyes. He did have a suggestion though. He said there was a breed of white, sightless dragon that could help us, and that one lived near by! He gave us directions but for the most part seemed pretty uninterested in the whole thing. Equius made us promise to come back and tell him if it went well. Even then he worried about me way to much. I can take care of myself. But anyways, we went to go find the dragon.”

Roxy’s looking at you with wonder. “You met a wizard AND a dragon!?”

You nod. “I could introduce you to the mage tomorrow if you want? He’s really grumpy. But so is Equius and I like him, even if he is bossy and sweaty. Where was I? Oh yea! So anyways we went to see the dragon. Even though he was blind it was like he could see us, you know? It was really cool. He talked to Terezi for a bit; I don’t really remember what he said… But he took his long claws and cut his arm. Then he dripped his dragon blood into Terezi’s eyes. It was sorta gross and creepy. Then he did this magic spell, and black marks appeared on Terezi’s eyes and they went bright red, just like the dragon’s. From then on she was sort of able to see, right? But not actually seeing? I don’t really understand it. But she got dragon wisdom… and future sight or something?”

Roxy nods. “That sounds epic! What ever happened to her?”

You rub your arm and say, “Well. We went back to talk to Equius, like we said we would. And with Terezi’s new foresight and dragon-stuff, he offered her a job as a palace seer. We talked about it and agreed she should take it. He offered me a job too but I didn’t want it. I’d rather be hunting in the forest for myself. So we parted ways. Every once in a while I go over and hang out with her and Equius. It’s nice. Over time, with the mage’s help, she developed the ability to actually turn into a dragon…”

Roxy’s eyes get wide and she whispers in amazement, “No way. Really?”

“Yea! The first time she did it was epic! She had been working on it for a while. The only reason they started trying was because there had been records before of people who when infected with dragon blood were able to do stuff like that. Eventually she got so mad that she couldn’t do it she just exploded into her other form. She has better control over it now but back then she had to calm down completely before she went back to normal. Unfortunately some things stayed. Now she has these really cute horns and little white scales on her face and arms. Her claws are sort of creepy, but still cute in their own way.”

Roxy nods. “So that’s where you wonder off to. Pretty cool. Are you two still in a relationship?”

You consider it for a moment before saying, “I think so. I don’t know. It’s hard to tell when we don’t see each other much, but we never stopped.”

Roxy pauses for a moment and says, “Sort of funny you stopped traveling with your first friend in a city and met me in a city too. Different cities, but still.”

You laugh and say, “Yea. I found you in a bar. Took a wile but I’m purroud of you for dropping that, by the way.”

Roxy sighs, “Yea, I know. Damn I was a fucking mess when you met me,” Roxy puts her head in her hands and mumbles, “Thanks for straitening me out.” She lightly punches your arm and jumps out of the tree, you think you probably shouldn’t have mentioned the drinking thing. It’s a touchy subject.

“Come on. Go to bed. I’ll take watch,” she says siting down at the base of the tree. You jump down after her. Your legs wobble a bit and feel really tingly. You were up in the tree long enough to put them to sleep. You stretch a bit and curl up on the leaf-pile you slept on last night. You can hear Vriska snoring but it doesn’t bother you enough to keep you up. It takes only a few minutes to fall asleep.


	3. A Message, a Challenge, and a Spider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vriska gets left behind by Nepeta and Terezi because she overslept. Wile throwing a hissy fit about it, she stumbles on someone new to occupy a bit of time with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: If you have a fear of spiders there's a pretty huge one in this chapter. If you don't want to take the chance, I have included a full summery of the chapter in the end notes.  
> Enjoy. : )

You can not. Be-leave, they left you. What the fuck. It’s not as if you didn’t do all you could for them. You didn’t steal THAT much of their money. Just a coin or two when they weren’t looking. Gods, what jerks.

You stomp your way through the forest, cutting into tree after tree with your sword as you go. You reach a small clearing and stop with your hands on your hips.

“Ffffffffuuuuuuuuck!” you scream into the air, throwing your sword as far and as hard as possible. You hear it clunk against something. That something shouts loudly.

You arch your eyebrows and go to retrieve your sword. Maybe you can get something fun out of it too. You push the bushes obscuring your view out of the way and take a look at who you’re dealing with.

He’s a small boy with a large nose and black hair. He’s wearing an ugly blue hat with a yellow feather in it and the rest of his clothing is pretty blue too. Except for his shoes. Those are the same hideous yellow as the feather.  He’s holding his left shoulder and wincing in pain. Your sword is lying nearby. You guess you must have nicked him when you threw it.

You can see him watching you as you retrieve your blade. What a loser.

“You stabbed me with a sword,” he accuses you after a moment. You huff and pull his hand away from his wound to look at it. He’s pretty remarkably weak, actually, his attempts at stopping you are pitiful. He winces when you poke at it.

You let go of his hand, allowing him to cover it up again. “It’s just a slice. You’ll be fine,” you say blatantly.

“No, I… uh. I think I need to see a doctor,” he complains. Gods, what a wimp.

“Look, kid,” you say with annoyance, “…what did you say you name was again?”

“I didn’t,” he mumbles. “It’s… uh… Tavros.”

You nod and jab your thumb at your chest, “Vriska. Now. You don’t need a doctor, wuss.” You lightly kick his leg as you say the last word. He flinches away from you and you give him an accusatory look.

“Alright,” you give in. “You definitely need some work. Come with me. I have just the thing to strengthen you up.”

He looks at you with a worried expression and says, “I can’t. I have a job to do. The kind that I can’t really not do?” He takes his hand off his shoulder for a second and reaches into his satchel, pulling out a letter and handing it to you. It has a bit of blood from his hands on it now. You flip it over and are greeted with the royal seal of Alternia, complete with purple wax. You look back at Tavros. He looks like he’s waiting for you to hand the letter back.

“So you’re the prince’s page, huh?” you ask rhetorically. “Even more reason to get some confidence,” you say shoving the note in your belt. “You get this back after you get some training. Trust me, it’s for your own good.”

Tavros’s face falls and you grab his arm to pull him to his feet. He looks at you in annoyance.

“Come oooooooon Tavros,” you taunt him, starting to walk away. “You wouldn’t want to make Eridan mad, right?” You can see him contemplating his options.

“I…uh,” he starts. “I don’t think he would be very happy if I came back without delivering the letter. But…But I also don’t think it would be a very good idea to go with you. And I need to have someone look at my shoulder in a medical way.”

You groan and keep walking. He’ll follow eventually. He does, too. You can hear his clumsy footsteps following you after a moment. Good. He needs what’s coming.

The two of you walk in silence for a few minutes before you finally reach your house. It wasn’t yours originally. You took it from a nice couple a year or so back. They were pretty willing to give it up when you showed them your… pet. It only has three rooms, but you make do. Now if you could get your hands on a castle, that would be nice.

You open the door and usher Tavros inside. He looks hesitant at first, but eventually gives with a bit of letter waving from you. You lead him to the back where you’ve blasted a hole in the wall. Through the hole looks completely white at first, but under further examination it’s revealed to in fact be a small den woven completely out of thick, sticky spider web.

You whistle and shuffling can be heard from inside. Tavros takes a few steps back. You smirk. This’ll be fun. From the entrance it starts to slowly emerge; first a thick, hard leg, covered with fiber-y hairs. Then another, and another, each one as thick as your arm and twice as long. It pulls it’s head through, giving your guest a clear view of your companion. She looks hungry today.

Her eight eyes are black as pitch and stare intently at Tavros. Thick saliva drips from fangs the size of your hand. It pulls itself completely out and stands at it’s full height. It reaches your torso at the head.

“Meet, my spider, Tavros. She’s going to build that confidence of yours. Just don’t let yourself be her next meal. People do aaaaaaaawful things to her stomach,” you say threateningly, hands on your hips.

Tavros is visibly shaking violently. He’s gone so far back that he’s now pressed against the wall, his shoulder forgotten.

“Well?” you say. “I’d start running, loser.”

Tavros stumbles in his haste, but eventually makes it out the door at full sprint, which isn’t that fast, or that smooth. He keeps tripping as he goes out of sight.

“One. Two. Three,” you say, deciding to give him a bit of a head start. “Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Get him,” you command the creature and it immediately skitters forward at a pace almost twice as fast as Tavros was running.

You wait a moment and decide to follow at your own leisurely speed. Maybe you can catch the moment the kid stands up for himself.

You hear his screaming after a few seconds and follow it. When you reach the source of the sound, you see he’s managed to corner himself against a cliff face. His arms are stretched in front of him, holding out a pitiful dagger. He’s shaking so much you’re surprised he hasn’t dropped it, honestly.

The spider is hissing and lunging at him, each time drawing back before she get’s stabbed. Good girl. Last time she didn’t wait for you. That was a mess to clean up.

“Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well,” you mock the blue-dressed boy. “It looks like you have two options, Toradork. Advance or abscond?”

“W-what?” he says, fear lacing his voice.

“Advance or abscond Tavros? Advance or abscond?”

“Well what if I don’t want to do ether, in a way that I still, uh, get out alive?”

You narrow your remaining eye. “Advance or abscond.” You say it more forcefully this time. It’s not a question anymore. It’s a command.

He still does nothing but stand there shaking, fending off charges from the monstrosity.

You shrug and whistle. The spider stares at you a moment and looks back at Tavros before retreating back into the forest. You can hear it’s many feet hitting the ground for a moment before turning to Tavros who has all but collapsed from relief.

He looks up at you and says, “Than-“

You cut him off, grabbing his collar and pushing him back so that he’s leaning off the cliff face. Your hand on his shirt is the only thing keeping him from falling. His stupid blue hat slips off his partially shaved head and floats down the long drop.

He shouts and grabs your arm, clinging on for his life.

You glare at him and lean in. “Advance or abscond,” you whisper and let go.

His efforts to hold your arm do nothing. He slips right off the edge. You can hear his screams as he falls before hitting the ground below. You look down coldly, examining your work. You can see him twitching a bit. He’s alive. Maybe next time he’ll man up and take your advice. What a wimp.

You pull the letter out of your belt and drop it over the cliff. It floats down slowly, swaying back and forth, before settling in the dirt next to Tavros.

You shrug and turn to go back home. You have things to do. Irons in the fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is the last you will hear of Vriska for a wile. If you chose not to read this chapter due to the beginning warning here is the summery:
> 
> Vriska is angrily going through the forest and throws her sword. It nicks Tavros who tells her he's delivering a letter from Prince Eridan. She takes the letter as a 'bargaining chip' to force him to take her training. She takes him to her stolen house and introduces him to her giant pet spider. Tavros runs from the spider and becomes cornered on a cliff. Vriska tries to force Tavros to 'Advance or Abscond' and when he refuses, pushes him off the cliff. He's still alive (barely) and she leaves (dropping the letter over too).


	4. A Drink, A Friend, and a Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose goes to see a few friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long. I had some school stuff to deal with in terms of writing and TheCrazyOctopusLady has a lot going on too. The next one probably won't take as long but it's a long chapter so you know. Thanks for reading. Sorry again for the wait.

You stumble through the forest in a daze. Your face is bright red and you’re holding a vial of liquor in your right hand. Giggling a bit, you lean against a tree and take another drink. This habit started a wile ago, though you don’t precisely know when. In this state you probably wouldn’t remember if you wanted to, though. 

 

Tonight you saw John die. Not in person, but in your crystal ball. His sister and Dirk don’t know yet. Fuck. You look at the ground and take another swig. The alcohol should help you forget about it for a while. Then you can figure out what to do. 

 

Your feet take you around on their own, and you hope that they know where to go. As you walk, you stumble a bit and your robes keep getting caught on things. How infuriating. 

 

The sensation of standing in water doesn’t hit you until you stumble again and splash your face. You look around groggily. It takes you a minute to realize you’re standing on the shore of Lake Rays and Frogs. 

 

The surface of the water is dotted with glowing spots due to the luminescent algae that grows there. The water is completely still, aside from the small ripples your presence is making. All around you, you can hear a chorus of frogs. 

 

“Kanaya…” you mumble, almost incoherently. You laugh and take another drink, poring some in the lake for her. 

 

“That’s not very good for the frogs, Rose.” you hear someone say behind you. Her voice is fluid and powerful. It carries both a sense of authority and a deep kindness. 

 

“The froks‘ll… looove it Kanayaaa! Don’t worry!” you say, turning around to face the air sprite. Her black dress folds lightly over her form and fades into a medium gray. At the bottom it fades into a flowing, nebulous appearance. She’s wearing a decorative silver belt with ruby accents. More silver rests in bands on her upper arms. On her chest is a swirling, white insignia that makes your head hurt a bit in your current state. Caring, blank eyes look at you with concern. She doesn’t quite touch the ground. It’s hard to tell whether this is due to her gracefully hooked, jade wings or an unknown power. 

 

“What happened Rose? It’s been a while since I saw you this drunk, dear.” 

 

You look at the ground and move to take another drink of alcohol. Kanaya pushes your hand away before the bottle reaches your lips, though. 

 

“Please tell me. I worry about you.” She holds your hands together, causing the bottle to fall into the water, creating more ripples. Her hands are soft and soothing; and for a moment you forget what you were going to say. 

 

In a second you realize you’re crying. Why? Why are you crying? You can’t seem to remember. You think it’s upsetting Kanaya a little though. You think maybe you can fix that for both of you. 

 

You lean in carefully for a kiss, and while Kanaya’s surprised she doesn’t resist. You close your eyes as your lips lightly lock together. The gesture fills your intoxicated head with a bundle of confusing emotions. Some are happy, some are overjoyed, some are confused, some want to just stay like this forever, and some want to end it here and let your remember this perfect moment without giving it the chance to deteriorate. Then in the back of your mind; there’s something sad. But you refuse to pay it any mind.  

 

It takes a moment but Kanaya kisses you back. She’s hesitant, her movements slowly becoming more deliberate. Her hands that were holding you up a second ago are now holding you in a tight, but comfortable embrace. She slowly becomes more comfortable and less tense. Her cool lips slide perfectly against yours, carefully, as if she doesn’t want to hurt you. Through your eyelids you can tell the usual dim glow Kanaya has is brightening.

 

You don’t want this moment to end. But your thoughts are starting to blur together and get splotchy. The odd, not quite warmth, of your lover is slowly fading.

 

Your grip on her slips and the cold water surrounds you as your body hits the lake. The world around you dims and you forget what you were doing, leaving you with simple bliss before it fades out. 

 

When you awaken, you can hear birds. That’s the first thing you notice. Then bright, white light glares through your eyelashes as you slowly open your eyes. Now you realize the pain. Your head hurts. Bad. You roll on your stomach and vomit over the side of the bed. You have no idea how you got here but it doesn’t matter. You just want the skull-splitting affliction to go away. 

 

Holding your forehead and wincing, you look around. You’re in a small, earth hut. The walls are covered in shelves and shelves of oddities, all held in bottles and boxes. From the leafy ceiling hang bundles of dried herbs, feathers, and bird cages. In each cage is a small, vibrant avian. A few of them fly between their metal cages, the bars too wide to keep them in. They’re all singing and you wish to the Gods they’d shut up. 

 

From the other side of a small hole in the wall opposite to you shuffling can be heard and… humming? You groan and lie back on the pillow, your arm over your face. From the other room, the shuffling stops and you open one eye to see a friendly face watching you from the opening. 

 

She’s wearing a floppy, pointed, brown hat with a green accent. Set on her small, dark tan nose are a pair of round glasses covering beautiful pink eyes. Her entire face is covered in dark freckles and more feathers are woven into her brown hair. Bottles of oddly colored liquid hung on a rope around her neck click against each other each time she moves. 

 

You close your eyes and mumble, “Sorry about the mess I’ve made. I’ll clean it up appropriately.” 

 

“It’s alright,” she says, chipper and loud. “I can handle it. But first, you need to drink this.” She hustles over to your bed, carefully avoiding your accident as you sit up a bit more. She hands you a bottle filled with a vile smelling solution. Your lip pulls up a bit in disgust before you take it and drink it. It somehow tastes worse than it smells. 

 

“Sorry about the taste.” she says, walking over to one of her shelves. “It should clear up your head in a moment though.” She keeps throwing things in a stone bowl and periodically grinding them.

  
“Kanaya brought you here,” she says happily. “I assume you know her? She’s the sylph that guards the forest. As a purveyor of life magic myself the two of us hang out sometimes.” 

 

“I know who she is… yes.” you say hesitantly. You can feel your headache starting to lessen. Whatever she gave you is working. “We’re…” you start. But you’re not exactly sure what you should say. “Close.” you conclude, deciding this stranger need not know more than that. 

 

“Oh good!” the witch says, meticulously grinding her concoction into a fine powder. “She was weirdly flustered. Usually she’s calmer than that. Kept stumbling over her words and asking me to keep an eye on you until you woke up. Which is reasonable I suppose. Air sprites probably don’t know much about alcohol.” 

 

You take a moment to think. Most of last night is a blur. You remember going to Lake Rays and Frogs looking for Kanaya. But after that it’s a bit hazy. Why were you so drunk in the first place? You usually have a reason. While you mull it over, your caretaker dumps the powder she made in the smelly mess next to your bed and says a few things in the ancient tongue. In seconds the liquor-induced spill is gone. 

 

You gasp and suddenly jump out of the bed. “Fuck!” you say, a mixture of rage, horror, and sadness starting to bubble inside you. “John. I have to. I need to. I have to tell Dirk. I need to find Jane too. Oh Gods…” Hot tears are slowly sliding down your face. This is a disaster. Possibly your best friend in the world and he’s dead. Why did you let Dave and him go? You should have stopped them! You don’t notice you’ve begun mumbling in the ancient tongue until a hand grabs your arm. 

 

“Are you alright?” the witch says, she sounds a bit scared. “That’s dark magic you were chanting. You shouldn’t use that.” 

 

You push her arm off yours and say angrily, “Please… don’t! I don’t even know your name. My friend’s dead and the kingdom is fucked! I’d appreciate it if you refrained from obstructing my coping mechanism.” 

 

“My name’s Feferi,” she says, her tone darker. “I’m the best user of life magic you’re gonna find. Who was your friend?” 

 

“John Egbert,” you say, letting that sink in. You start your chanting back up again. 

 

“You mean heir to Sburb, John Egbert?” Feferi says, no longer trying to stop you from your dark praying. 

 

You nod, not stopping to talk to her again. 

 

“Oh! Well he’s fine. Sorta,” she says, suddenly perfectly elated again. “I was talking to him yesterday. Poor kid. Neither Jade nor that knight who was hanging around wanted to tell me what happened. His feet sure took a beating though. I did what I could, but it’ll be a while before he’s walking again I think.” 

 

You stop dead in your tracks. “He’s what?” you say, interrupting her rambling. 

 

“He’s alive. He’s in agony, but he’s alive,” she confirms again. You turn to Feferi, hiding your shock behind a blank face. “Take me to him.” 

 

Feferi looks hesitant. “But, your head-“  she starts. 

 

“It is fine.” you interrupt again. 

 

Feferi narrows her eyes and pouts a bit. You can tell she doesn’t like being told what to do, but neither do you. She’ll have to deal with it. She walks out with her arms crossed and you follow. 

 

You follow her to a small clearing, covered in black ash and burn spots. She stops in the middle and pulls out a small black book from a pocket in her dress. 

 

“Spells my friend Jade gave me,” she says holding it up for you to see. 

 

You look up in surprise at the mention of Jade’s name. The two of you are not particularly close however you do consider yourself her friend. She flips through the worn pages for a moment before settling on a page decorated with green. She reads over the page real quick and recites a quick chant, activating the special magic. The two of you are engulfed in a green teleportation flame. The sound of lightning crackles in your ear as the two of you are sent through space. 

 

The harsh sounds slowly dies down as you reach your destination. You look around, greeted only with more forest. Feferi has already started ahead, a little bounce in her step now. You follow calmly, a smile on your face. Your friend is alive. Maybe the two realms don’t have to fall into an inferno of war as was predicted. We’ll see. 

 

In a moment you can see a small cottage built out of stone come into view. It’s larger than the earthen hut Feferi lives in, but still retains the quaint look you appreciate. You recognize it as Jade’s home. 

 

As you approach, you notice a figure dressed fully in red with a face paler than sand. You drop your composure and break into a run, your orange dress only inhibiting you slightly. The figure looks up just in time for you to crash into him in a tight hug. He stiffens, processing your presence before returning the gesture awkwardly. His heavy mail clinks together as you slowly pull apart. 

 

You put your hands on his shoulders and say, “Dave! Oh thank the Gods.! Where’s John?! I-I saw him die in my crystal. But he’s alive! Oh Gods you’re both alive. Now we can all go back to the castle and tell Dirk why you’ve been away so long and I swear he’s just about ready to launch an army to come find the two of you and-“ 

 

“Rose, slow down,” Dave replies. “John’s fine but he ain’t going anywhere right now. He’s running a crazy high fever like you don’t even know and I don’t think he’d be able to walk around if he wanted to with those burns. Guy had some serious fucking damage done.” he then gestures to the long-haired witch leaning against a tree, “Fef used her wicked ass life magic to fix him up best she could so we don’t have to do any cutting off of feet but he’s still got to heal up.”  

 

“What happened to his feet?” You ask, worried your view might not have been as inaccurate as you first thought.

 

Dave doesn’t respond. You narrow your eyes. “Show me,” you command.

 

Dave nods and walks into the stone structure. You follow. The entire interior is cluttered beyond belief. It’s worse than Feferi’s home, if that’s plausible. Across the room Jade is sitting on a small stool, talking to someone lying on a fur-made bed. He’s dressed completely in blue, aside from his once bright yellow boots which are lying next to the bed. They don’t look very useful anymore. They’re covered in scorch marks and holes. The souls are completely burned away. His pants are ripped off at the knees to keep the wounds from being rubbed 

 

You approach the bed, doing your best to avoid the items covering the floor. You take a glance at John’s feet. They look atrociously inflamed. The skin is splotched with red and white colored burn spots, some as large as your fist. It’s scattered with large blisters and his legs are very swollen. For such injuries you’d expect more skin to be ripped away but you suppose it’s thanks to Feferi that isn’t the case. 

 

Jade’s white dog ears perk up as you stumble over a jar. You never completely understood why she kept some aspects of her transformation wile in human form, but to each their own. Jade turns to look at you, seemingly surprised by your presence. Her moving cleared your view of John’s face.

 

As Feferi said, you can visibly see the effects of fever on your friend. His face is red and there are beads of sweat running down his nose. He looks exhausted, but oddly not in pain. He brightens up a bit when he sees you. 

 

“Sweet… gangs all here. Been a while since that happened…” John trails off. He appears to be sleeping now. That’s good. As beat up as he is, he could use the rest. 

 

You see Jade’s ear flick out of the corner of your eye and jester for her to follow you outside. She reaches to check the temperature of the cloth on John’s forehead before heading out. She walks around the object-littered floor with confidence and speed that tells you she has her own way of finding things. You suppose it’s better than your messy rooms. You can’t find what you need half the time in there. 

 

You manage not to trip on anything on your way outside the cottage. Once back amongst the trees, you promptly grab Dave’s arm and drag him further into the forest so as not to wake John with your conversations. Jade follows, leaving Feferi to tend to your friend should he need 

it. 

 

Once you’re out of hearing distance of the hut you let go of Dave and turn to him and Jade sternly. 

 

“I understand this is partially my error for not reprimanding you when you first left the castle two days ago. That does not however answer the question of how you managed to nearly get John executed within one day.” you say, turning to the armor-clad knight, “Dave; what exactly where you and John doing that led to that?” You point in the direction of the house angrily, partially at yourself for letting this happen.

 

“Look. Rose. It’s alright. John wanted to do this elaborate prank that involved hanging Eridan fucking Ampora like some rabbit that got a bit too hungry and went for some bait. It was glorious as hell. ‘Course neither of us thought about the knights that follow his royal ass around. John got captured, but I went and got Jade here. We pulled an epic jail break before he got up and killed though. Now he’s all healing and shit and we can go home when he’s walking again.” He’s remarkably unexpressive through the whole thing and you practically want to slap him. 

 

Jade looks uncomfortable and pipes up before you can reprimand him, though, “Rose it’s alright. Feferi’s doing healing sessions with him since most people can only take so much magic at a time without proper training. He should be up and walking again in… say… a week? Which is impressive because I’m pretty sure he never would have stood again without her help.”

 

You stare at Jade in shock. “A week? Dirk is mad enough with John not returning after a day of being out. Eridan is a maniac who has already destroyed one kingdom. Beforus was a powerful and peaceful land before he went in. That man is bent on becoming a god, as ridiculous as that is, and he’s not going to stop. This little stunt of John’s probably just gave him the incentive to target Sburb next. If Dirk finds out what happened and why, he might just start the war himself. John needs to go home. Now. I don’t care how. Feferi will just have to work on healing him at the castle.” 

 

You can see from their expressions that they didn’t think this through at all.  

 

“Alright. Alright! We can do this,” Jade says overly enthusiastically, obviously trying to mask how ridiculously awful this situation is. “It’s ok. We can just teleport over to the palace and, Dave, you can carry John. Rose, you’ll have to go ahead to try and ease Dirk down before we get there. Umm…” 

 

“Jade we can’t teleport John with that fire shit you have. I’m pretty sure he’s not going to be up to being swallowed by mother fucking flames for a while.” 

 

“We can have Feferi cast a sleeping spell on him until we can get him back to his own bedroom,” you offer. “It’ll also keep Dirk off his back, for a short amount of time at least.”  

 

Jade and Dave nod in agreement. This is not going to be fun to explain. Perhaps John can take the brunt of his shouting to keep him from declaring war. Based on what else your glass ball told you though, this is going to be a hard couple of months.


End file.
